So here’s the deal: My dick hurts.
Should I (a) lop it off, (b) douse it in cocoa butter, or (c) tell it everything’s going to be OK even though I know, deep down, where it counts, that it won’t, in fact, be OK?
–Booyakasha
I suppose it’s important to examine possible reasons why your dick may hurt. If you (a) contracted an STD from a Bolivian whore named Calypso with two teeth and bad shake, then I would recommend (a) lop it off. If you (b) shagged too much on your caribbean vacation and pinched a nerve or sunburnt your penis into a shrivled shadow of its former prowess, then I would go with (b) douse it cocoa butter. I have cocao butter lip balm, and it smells nice. So at least you can go “hey, my penis smells awesome!” If you (c) are stressing yourself out to the point that calling you neurotic about the whole thing would be a euphemism, then please go ahead with option (c). Your penis is your friend and foe. Treat like you would a baby and fear it like you would Barbara Streisand.
NUTS!!
– General Anthony C. McAuliffe
Oooh, I love word association. Okay, you go first. “Nuts!” Hmm…. what word does this make me think of…oooooh I got it! “Teeth.”
Why are guys who wear eyeliner so hot?
– I heart guys in eyeliner and girls jeans
God, I don’t know. I absolutely positively love boys in eyeliner. Maybe it’s because guys tend to have great eyelashes anyway, or because men are secretly so much prettier than women, or that I just love a little definition above their masculine cheekbones and jawlines. I have no idea. But eyeliner totally drives me wild and always will. I have a special place in my heart for that one crazy boy who wore eyeliner in high school. I mean… I dated him for a while. And fell in love with him. But he had me at maybelline.
I’m single after not being single for a good 3 years. I’m in my thirties, and a straight woman. i have NO idea how to meet guys these days…and I don’t really want to.
How do you meet someone that’s not into the stupid games. You know, someone you can say to, “you know, I don’t really think I want a relationship with you, but I’d be up for fucking?”
OR
“I really dig you, but I don’t want to freak you out about relationship stuff. I’m more scared of the M word than you are, so let’s just chill and enjoy each other’s company for a few years and see where things go.”
Are people at ALL honest these days?
I know, I know, that was more than ONE question. Feel free to pick and choose.
–single again
All right, here’s the situation as I see it. There are plenty of men out there and there are plenty of excuses out there. There are also lots of intelligent women, stupid men, gender roles, misperceptions and commonly held beliefs that are so freaking wrong. But it’s the system we have and the system with which we work on a day to day basis and sometimes we get so caught in the bullshit that we don’t see it for what it’s worth. People don’t know what they want. They think they do, they say they do, but in reality that’s not how it is. Like guys that say they don’t care what a girl really looks like, but in reality they do. Or girls that say that guys don’t date them because they have big teeth or something when it’s actually their self-involved personality. Too many factors and too hard to control everything. My advice to you? Take your time, let yourself heal, and get out there. Take home a couple of uglies or hotties or whatever, shag them, and don’t call them back, unless you really want to. Flirt. With everyone. All the time. Because, really, you have nothing to lose.
And fuck it, be honest. If you want to be the one honest person not playing games out there, then do it. But be aware that most everyone else is pretending they’re hunting rabbits when all they have is a dick, a mango, and bobsled.
