I’ve been dating a woman for several months, but the physical side of our relationship is rather confusing. She’ll go down on me, but won’t let me go down on her or even see her peachfish, and she’ll only let me fuck her up the ass (no vag AT ALL) with the lights off. I can’t even give her a reach around before she bats my hand away. Is there any way I can get her to lighten up and let me split those lips?
–Peachfish Express

I think you should be asking different questions! Why does she feel this way? Most women who are reluctant to submit to vaginal play are victims of abuse or severe body issues. She may associate feelings of shame or pain with her va-jayjay, and thus not feel inclined to let anyone inside. Perfectly reasonable. Or she may not like you enough to let you shag her or even view her “peachfish.” I would ask her about it in a respectful way. Granted, I’m not an expert. I could be totally off base. She could have an STD that she doesn’t want to share, she could really not enjoy any vaginal play, or she could be saving her V card for her future husband. Too many possibilities. Dialoguing is the way to go. Get some clarity, be honest about your frustrations, and work on compromising. Either that or you could get a big rubber vagina to entertain yourself in the meantime. Or one of those inflatable sheep.

[Edit- A reader points out: DUDE! There is no peachfish! That's a guy! That was the same physicality tactic Song Liling used in M. Butterfly, until it was revealed she was he. I'm just sayin'.]