Adri,
So I started seeing this girl. Trying to kiss her after a couple of
dates was a little fast for her. I just about got the Heisman stff-arm from
her. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve gotten her to open up a little:
holding my hand, I even got her to lean on me a little bit when we were
watching a movie the other night. She’s always telling me two things: “I’m
really fucked up in the head” and “I just want to get to know you better.”
I’m willing to go along with it because I really like her and don’t
particularly need things to speed up for me to be happy. But is there
anything else I can do? What is it exactly that I’m dealing with here?
-Javi
Javi: I asked my panel of man-advisors (Will and Joe). Joe says “I’d be out of there. But look at me, I’m twenty-six and I’ve never had a girlfriend for more than two weeks, except for the one I have now, and I don’t even like her. I’m just dating her to see if I can last with someone more than two weeks. Anyway, my advice sucks.” Will says “Javi’s not asking ‘should I ditch her or not.’ He’s already said he’s willing to stick with it. What he’s asking is if he should be concerned. I think the answer is: probably.”
Okay. So the men say “run away or freak out.” Joe says “She’s probably not interested. You’re a placholder. If you stay, don’t get involved emotionally until she shows more interest. But then again, my advice sucks.” Will says, “I agree. Do not have feelings.”
Here’s my advice, Javi. I think she has some sort of mental block–whether or not it’s some history of abuse, general conservative outlooks, or a distrust of men. Or, she’s just not that into you. Either way, I agree with the boys. Take it slow yourself. Don’t get emotionally wrapped up in someone unless you know it’s mutual. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up to get totally destroyed emotionally. Joe and Will say “Do not have feelings.” I say, “be very careful. This doesn’t sound too healthy.”
Will adds, “Once you break down those conservative girls they are ca-razy in the sack.” Joe says “They become overnight nymphs.” Adri says “You guys are morons.”
One Comment
1 Javi wrote:
I was trying to think of a follow-up question, but too many things came into my head.
“What if when I slow down, nothing happens for a while? Do I have a talk with her? Do I just stop seeing her? Is there a way I can address this now?… and so on… and so on…”
I was thinking way too much, and it got kinda annoying in my own head. I’ve never been the kind of guy who wants to go through the trouble of playing “mind games” to get a girl to like me or even after I started dating a girl.
One of the reasons I started going out with this girl is that I didn’t have to do that at all and still don’t. We’re open with each other and it’s not like she’s being coy and I can’t get a read on her. She’s flat out told me, “my head’s messed up and I want to get to know you better.”
So I’ll try and slow things down, but I’m an emotional person and I’m not going to change that for anyone because when I’m myself with someone else, I’m really really happy.
You know, when I started writing this, I think I had a point to make or something, but it got confused in with the other questions I was thinking of and now it’s lost. Which is probably a good thing… I hate having to think about this stuff.