“Virgin Central,” Class of ’05

My friend Phil just forwarded me this interesting article in the Houston Press. Apparently, Rice Students are not having sex. The few that do have sex are not having any good sex.

Because I’m really good at finding things that offend me [full disclosure: I attended Rice University, class of 2005], I’ll point to the most offensive quote in the article:

Nine [of 800] students, when given the chance to identify themselves as straight, gay or bi, chose “other.”

What the hell does that mean?

“Maybe they just don’t know yet?” she [an affiliate of Rice’s sex magazine] says. “Maybe they have a fetish for Sammy the Owl.”

“What the hell does that mean?” asks Rich Connelly of the Houston Press, well I can tell you. It means that they don’t want to answer your stupid survey with some prefabricated notion of their sexuality and/or orientation. It doesn’t mean they have a “fetish for Sammy the Owl.”

[Full disclosure: I once had a close friendship and relationship of sorts with the school mascot, or at least the guy who was inside the mascot outfit. I even acted as his “handler” on occasion, although I did not have a fetish or any other such thing toward the mascot itself, thank you very much, that outfit smelled terrible.]

Adri & Sammy The Owl
(Adri & Sammy The Owl)

Maybe they are pansexual or maybe they are asexual or maybe they’re in the middle of figuring it out and maybe they don’t want some asshat at the Houston Press trying to draw some asinine conclusion from their choice to not participate in some kind of normalizing survey.

Another finding: While 60 percent of the students have had sex, only 45 percent say they’ve ever had an orgasm. More than half the women say they’ve never had one. Do they teach nothing at Rice?

Obviously, professors at Rice should stop in the middle of teaching students about electrical engineering to further their sexual education. In fact, I demand that Rice make that a part of their curriculum immediately. Never mind the national averages and other research on the female orgasm.

From the Wikis:

For a variety of reasons, some people choose to fake an orgasm. A recent Redbook survey shows that 52% of women regularly fake orgasms. Only 17% are likely to have an orgasm during sexual intercourse, because the clitoris often is not stimulated enough by intercourse alone. 43% of women report “some kind of sexual problem,” such as inability to achieve orgasm, boredom with sex, or total lack of interest in sex.

AskMen says that 26% of women have difficulty achieving orgasm. The New York Times quotes a reputable scientist who argues that “women do not routinely have orgasms during sexual intercourse.” iVillage says that only 20% of women are able to orgasm during intercourse. Some random website says that 70% of women have not experienced orgasm.

Yup. Rice is way behind. Far behind. I mean, according to other sources, 70% of grown-ass sexually active women of all ages say they have never had an orgasm. Rice Students are only reporting 45%. “Do they teach nothing at Rice?” Asshat.

I think Rich Connelly is an idiot for drawing the conclusions that he does. He’s glib and flippant when he could be insightful and smart. He says shit like:

Geez. Rice isn’t the Harvard of the Southwest, it’s the Bob Jones University of the Southwest.

I bet that more people get laid at Bob Jones than he thinks. And I bet that less people at Harvard get laid he thinks. In fact, I’m willing to wager that there really is a correlation between IQ and sex, as the oft-quoted Ms. Solnick assures us:

“I don’t find it surprising that Rice has a higher percentage of virgins than the national average,” says Open‘s Rachel Solnick. She says studies have shown kids with higher IQs tend to keep their virginity longer.

“It makes sense that the people who have their heads in the books will not have a lot of time on their hands to engage in relationships and the associated activities,” Solnick says.

The full Houston Press article is after the jump. I’d rather you not visit their website and promote this kind of inanity. Instead, consider the virtue of a university that is willing to engage its students in a meaningful dialog about sex.

Plus, there’s nothing wrong with holding on to your V-card throughout undergraduate. I guess Mr. Connelly didn’t take into account the diversity of students at Rice, students who come from different cultural backgrounds, religions, and environments. I’m glad I went to a school full of virgins rather than to a school that would have made me feel inadequate if I wasn’t. I hope no Rice student who reads Mr. Connelly’s words feels pressured to “do something about” their virginity.

Mr. Connelly, you may not know this, but sometimes there is virtue in not being a dumbass. Of course, you might have known that if you’d gotten an education at “Virgin Central.”

Rice University is the latest campus to get a student sex magazine. It looks like they need it.

As part of the inaugural issue of Open magazine, which is as disappointingly classy and nonpornographic as you’d expect from the Rice brainiacs, close to 800 students answered an online sex ­survey.

The results: Not a lot of Owls are getting it on.

Almost 40 percent of the students surveyed said they were virgins, and these days we figure that’s not something you’d lie about. That compares to a nationwide 2006 study, by the Journal of American College Health, showing 23 percent of college students are virgins.

Rice, Rice, baby — what’s going on? Or not going on?

“I don’t find it surprising that Rice has a higher percentage of virgins than the national average,” says Open‘s Rachel Solnick. She says studies have shown kids with higher IQs tend to keep their virginity longer.

“It makes sense that the people who have their heads in the books will not have a lot of time on their hands to engage in relationships and the associated activities,” Solnick says.

Yeah, but the survey also found 20 percent of Rice students don’t masturbate.

“It seems that some Rice kids have been so immersed in their studies that any form of sexual activity has not crossed their mind,” she says.

Geez. Rice isn’t the Harvard of the Southwest, it’s the Bob Jones University of the Southwest.

Another finding: While 60 percent of the students have had sex, only 45 percent say they’ve ever had an orgasm. More than half the women say they’ve never had one. Do they teach nothing at Rice?

“That statistic seems to go in line with the fact that it is a lot more difficult for women to orgasm than men,” Solnick says. “And since they make up half the respondents, maybe Rice guys should try to be a little more ‘helpful.'”

A final question for Solnick: Nine students, when given the chance to identify themselves as straight, gay or bi, chose “other.”

What the hell does that mean?

“Maybe they just don’t know yet?” she says. “Maybe they have a fetish for Sammy the Owl.”

Maybe. But if they do, judging from the poll, chances are they’re not doing a whole lot about it.