The Real Prince
The 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympic Games (I won’t even tell you how long I debated the order of those words) began yesterday to my excitement. What was not to love about the Opening Ceremonies (I feel like everything should be capitalized). Shane Koyczan represented Slam Poetry and awesomeness, Bryan Adams represented… something, and the computer-generated salmon made me hungry. So cool. But the best part? The Parade of Nations. No doubt. And imagine my surprise to note that Mexico sent a rep, no one less than Prince Hubertus von Hohenlohe, aka The Real Prince, aka Andy Himalaya, who at 51 years of age, is the oldest competing athlete in the games. How cool is that?
Not as cool as Hubertus himself. Go ahead, take a minute. Check out his website. Highlights include: his music videos, his photography, and more importantly (please look at these): his credo and the picture of his bomb-ass Mexican ski jacket.
Things I love about Andy Himalaya? His use of the rare caps-lock-right-align-italics combination. His disregard for grammar, syntax, spelling, and punctuation. His penchant for taking pictures of himself before windows. His hair. His passing resemblance to Bruno. The fact that he lists “Prince” as his nickname on his official Olympics bio page. But thing I love the most? That jacket. I tried in vain to search for it online, but I could not find it. Finally, with the aid of Pete and Paolo, I did the only thing a girl in this situation could do… I wrote Herr von Hohenlohe a letter. And I wanted to show my respect and love through imitation, as it is the sincerest form of flattery.
TO THE MOST GRACIOUS PRINCE HUBERTUS VON HOHENLOHE, THE REAL PRINCE!, AKA ANDY HIMALAYA:
YOU DO NOT KNOW ME, BUT I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN! AS AN EXPATRIATED MEXICAN — LIKE YOU!! — I ALSO HAVE STRONG IDEALS AS TO HOW THE WESTERN CIVILIZATION HAS BEEN BOMBARDING US WITH ITS UNCAPTURABLE EXPECTASIONS.. WE ARE ALIKE ME AND YOU, ALTHOUGH I DO NOT HAVE YOUR MONEY OR GOOD LOOKS, AND I AM BUT A WOMAN. I TOO AM INTO PHOTOGRAPHY, AND I LOVE WINDOWS, NOT TO MENTION TAKING PICTURES OF MYSELF THEREIN THEM!!
I WRITE TO YOU TODAY WITH AN VERY URGENT REQUEST – I LIVE IN PITTSBURGH AND IT IS COLD. AND ALTHOUGH I AM MEXICAN, I CANNOT BUY MEXICAN THINGS HERE. ON YOUR SITE YOU ARE WEARING THE COOLIEST AND AWESOMEST – THE MOST AMAZING! – JACKET I HAVE EVER SEEN (IT IS CAMO AND HAS LADIES ON IT WITH A MEXICAN FLAG)! IN ORDER TO PURSUE MY DREAM AS AN “EXOTIC SKIIER” (SEE, I TOLD YOU I WAS YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!!), I NEED SUCH A PHENOMENAL JACKET. I KNOW THIS REQUEST MAY SEEM WEIRD, BUT I WAS SO INSPIRED BY YOUR CREDO, THAT I KNEW THAT YOU WOULD AID ME IN MY ENDEAVOR TO FIND THIS JACKET, THIS HOLY GRAIL OF SPORTSWEAR, I JUST KNEW IT. ¡WE ARE SO ALIKE! (EXCEPT I DO NOT SKI, YET!) I TOO TAKE PICTURES, OF THE BEST KIND (WITH WINDOWS!) – AND I AM INTO BUSINESS TOO. I ALSO ONE DAY HOPE TO REPRESENT OUR ILLUSTREOUS COUNTRY AS YOU.
BEST OF LUCKY! I HOPE YOU ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS. AND WIN A MEDAL FOR US – MEXICANS! ¡¡VIVA MEXICO!!
PLEASE WRITE BACK SOON WITH INFORMATION ON HOW TO GET THIS JACKET. I REALLY WANT THIS JACKET. IT’S COOL. LIKE YOU.
P.S. I REALLY AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN
P.P.S. SELF-PORTRAIT IS ATTACHED – SEE HOW UGLY MY JACKET IS AND HOW COLD I AM?
Things I regret: not mentioning that I did not digitally manipulate my own photo. Not right-aligning my text. Not having another picture of me in a window handy. Not being as cool as Andy Himalaya.
*All images stolen from: http://www.hubertushohenlohe.com/, except for the one that was obviously taken by the author.
Here’s how I see it: best case scenario, he replies. Worst case scenario, he doesn’t. Either way, I totally wrote a hilarious email. And made Pete and Paolo laugh. Good enough for me.