* Nothing contained in the text below is true in any possible way. It’s just a performance piece I started writing that went nowhere, but that I’m posting to share. As the failure-in-progress that it is. Feel free to use the comment section to discuss how much this sucks.
I read somewhere that mood rings don’t work anymore because of global warming.
The stones formed when the ph balance of the world was strong enough for a man,
But now that we’re gentle enough for a woman, the whole thing’s pretty much useless.
This makes me sad. I liked mood rings. It was nice to have something telling me
Exactly how I felt. Ah, blue. I’m in a good mood. Yay! Red? I’m angry. ROOAR.
That doesn’t work with animate objects. You can’t say hey, Pet, what mood am I in?
Because your pet will say “feed me love me walk me leave me alone” in whatever your pet’s language is,
And none of that is an answer to how you feel, unless you how you feel is
“feed me love walk me leave me alone.” Which, good job, Pet, of figuring that out.
Human beings will always tell you look nice in that dress. Unless they’re honest.
Which either makes you love them more or hate them more, which alters your mood
And defeats the whole purpose of the inquiry to begin with.
I’m sad our planet cooked moon rings to death. Of course, that might not be true at all.
Mood rings may have never worked. Which is something a heretic nonbeliever would say.